Turning Point...

Last week, an angel named J.J. walked into my life and handed me the part-time job I've been looking for to fill the exact time slots I needed to fill to be effective. I have to confess, I'm still in shock over this, but that doesn't mean I'm not profoundly thankful at the same time. And if that wasn't enough, my sister Sheryl got a job with the same woman...a full-time job (not part time like mine) that will get her out of the hell-hole more formally known as Hobby Lobby, and also out of the retail industry, period. That, my friends, has been a long time coming, and also a true answer to prayer, even though initially it seems as though she will be taking a pay cut to take this job. In the long run, though, I truly believe that she will actually wind up making more. I know the quality of life she will experience will more than make up for the difference!

We are both extremely excited about this new venture, which we will both start tomorrow. For me, it means that the financial noose that's been chafing my neck for so long will finally be loosened a bit, and I'll have more ability to help my kids and to help with the little one when she finally does get here. That will be such a blessing, just to know that I can, if I need to, whether I ever actually have to, or not!

Speaking of which...

We now only have 5 more weeks to wait until little Harmony (we think) makes her appearance! We are all so excited, we just can't wait. Personally, with Krystal's blond hair and Ian's dark hair, I'm rooting that she'll be a blazing red-head like her great-granddaddy Birl, and of course, her Nana (cough).

Wouldn't that be something???

Heartbreak...

Often as we grow older, and watch our children grow into adulthood and start families of their own, and assume adult responsibilities, it's all too easy to assume along with it that as long as they act fine, they can totally handle whatever life throws at them. But sometimes they just can't...nobody could...and it's so hard to know what to do to help, when there is nothing...absolutely nothing...that can be done TO help, except to feel...helpless.

That is where I am right now. My youngest daughter has suffered a miscarriage. A loss so devastating it defies description. I cannot imagine the depth of their pain, and I feel totally helpless against it, knowing there is nothing I can do to ease their loss. But I do know that it is during the darkest times in our lives that God's love shines the brightest, and I know that there is a reason why this happened, even though we don't understand it. The pain will dull in time, leaving a lingering sadness for what might have been. And we just have to trust in God's wisdom, that it was for the best. But the love we still feel for that precious little being will live on, and not be forgotten. That much I do know.

...And....we're OFF!

For all intents and purposes, today is the beginning of a brand new year. A year full of hope and promise. And it marks the end of a year full of accomplishments, of milestones reached and passed, as time rolls ever onward.

The year ahead holds much to look forward to, as I anticipate the birth of my son's daughter (we think) and my daughter's son (we think). There could not be much that could happen that would be sweeter than that. Matter of fact, I can only think of one thing, and that, too is a possibility this year. So who knows? The sky is the limit this year! And like one of my best friends keeps telling me, no matter what I am faced with, the answer is...I CAN!

I CAN forge stronger bonds with my family. I CAN get out of debt. I CAN watch healthy grandchildren come into this world. I CAN get healthy, really healthy, and I CAN stay that way. I CAN save enough money to go on the trip of a lifetime. I CAN keep 4 households afloat. I CAN find a second job that meets my needs. I CAN go forward with planning our move to TN. I CAN find a job when I get there.

I CAN be ready for good news in June. I CAN keep on keeping on, even when I am faced with bitter disappointment, because I CAN keep my eye on the finish line, no matter what. And the finish line is getting closer all the time.

I CAN balance all my eggs on one platter. I CAN multi-task. I CAN take time out for ME without the world coming to an end. I CAN say no!

And always, always, I CAN show my family, especially my husband, my children, and my grandchildren, how very, very much I love them, because I CAN do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!

Here's to a wonderful, awsome adventure called 2008! Bring it ON!

Officially, A Man...

Today is my son's 21st birthday. Seems like yesterday he was born. I would like to say that today he is a man, but it would be a lie. He's been a man for quite some time, and I have just failed to acknowledge it...probably because I hate admitting that my baby boy is grown and doesn't need me any more. But that's not true...they never grow past the need for their parents' love, do they? And I will always be able to give that, no matter what the future may bring.

Happy Birthday, my strong, capable, handsome son! I love you more than you will ever know, and today, on this milestone celebration of your birth, I honor you for all you have accomplished and overcome. All the obstacles that have been thrown repeatedly in your way over the years have become stepping stones to greater things, and I am so proud of the way you have learned how to handle yourself. Your resilience and strength shine out of you as a testament to all who come in contact with you of the fact that you have arrived at a new phase of your life, ready and able to meet it head-on.

In just a few short months, you will be holding your first-born in your arms, much as I held you 21 years ago today, and the enormity of that event will flow over you as you look down in that trusting face and realize that you hold the keys of potential for so much of what she will become, and that your job will be to shape and mold her into the beautiful confident, independent woman she will be. No father could be better equipped to prepare her for hardships and disappointments, for no father has ever had more of an uphill climb than you, my son. And no father could ever be more prepared to bestow so much time and love on his child, for no father has ever fully understood the impact of a strong father figure on a child's life more than you do. You've learned that the hard way, too, my son.

You're past the hard part, now....look full into the face of the rising sun, and feel its warmth and brightness welcoming you into a new day.

Be well, and truly blessed, my beautiful, wonderful son. May the deepest and most heartfelt of Birthday wishes be to you today, and may you always know that you are loved beyond all reason.

Playing Catch-up...

Wow...so much has happened since the last time I blogged, it's incredible! I guess it serves me right for letting everything pile up for so many days without writing. I can't be too hard on myself though, it's not like there's been a lot of time to do this!

OK, first, I've managed to move Shanna and Kyle up here from Sarasota, along with most of their stuff, and they've moved in my house along with Ian and Krystal. There are still boxes everywhere, but it's getting there. Since I've had to work, Krystal's been great about running Shanna and Kyle everywhere so they could get registered for all the stuff they've needed to do. The only thing left is school, and we're waiting on Social Security cards to arrive so they can do that. In the meantime, they will probably have to wait until after the Holidays to get registered, because it's right at exam time now, and they have to go to the school board to get registered. Everywhere you turn, it's nothing but red tape!

Yesterday was Shanna's first Dr. appt. She went with Krystal, and they're both using the same Dr., so it's very convenient, thank God. Both got ultrasounds. Krystal's baby is sitting breech, and is down so low in her pelvis that...you guessed it...they can't see what it is. So many ultrasounds, so little info. This baby is trying to be as mysterious as her Daddy thinks he is! But all still seems to be well, and she is now in her 30th week.

Shanna also got an ultrasound, and got lots of pics of her little tadpole, which came out very clear, complete with flippers and everything! So incredible...I'd have given anything to have seen what my babies looked like! Of course, it's waaay too early to determine the sex, but so far, so good. They did back up the due date, though, to July 21st, so she's in her 9th week now.

This week has been very rocky in other ways, too. We had a problem with lighting the pilot light on the water heater, so they went a week with no hot water. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the sewer lines backed up, so we had to get that fixed. It could have been so bad, but God was with us, and with a little help from our friends, we got by with no bloodshed, and very little money spent! For that alone, I am profoundly thankful for the Angels God sends to take care of us. But can I tell you how my boys rose to the occasion? I have never, ever been so proud, and that's saying a lot! Thank you, boys, for all your help. I love you!

This weekend, Shanna and I will be heading south, while everybody else tries to finish settling in, unpacking boxes, etc. And next week, we'll be planning to merge our trip to see Tex next weekend with shooting farther south to Sarasota so they can see Kyle's parents on Christmas eve and get the rest of their stuff while they're down there (including their bed, much to Shanna's relief...her back's killing her from sleeping on an air mattress on the floor!). Then it's back to Baxley to spend Christmas day with Dad!

A Week of Thanksgiving...

Wow. What a rush. This past week has been such a whirlwind ride that I'm not sure if my feet are even on the ground YET. There is so much to tell, and I'm not sure in my present state if I can even do it justice, but I will try.

I picked up Shanna and Kyle at the airport Friday night. I immediately liked him, he has honest eyes, an infectious laugh, and genuine love for my daughter radiating from every pore of his being. What's not to like? So, we loaded up and headed south.

Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, and full of promise. Shanna and I headed to see her dad, for the first time in 14 years. I could tell she was nervous, but excitement outweighed it by far. We had a few anxious moments at the beginning, because of a paperwork snafu, and then we were in. When he came through the door, she was scared to turn around and look at him, but I took her shoulders, and turned her, and she looked. And when he held out his arms to her, she fell into them, and they just stood there sobbing their hearts out for all those years that have been deprived of them. It was just so easy. There was never any strain or difficulty, and they fell into a pattern of laughter and cameraderie that continued over the next week. Suddenly, all those questions seemed unimportant. They would keep, and if not, it just didn't seem to matter anymore. There were a lot of tears all around, but they were good tears...healing tears. And there was love. She shared with him that she was expecting, that she was engaged, that they wanted to wait to have a full-blown wedding until he could walk her down the aisle. And that if the baby was a boy, they wanted to name him after his Grandpa. One blessing after another kept heaping into Tex's lap. And when they told him they wanted to move to GA so they could be closer to him, he just fell apart. And I don't have to tell you I was right there with him.

By Sunday afternoon, the tears were coming a little faster, but we knew we still had 4 days to look forward to, this time with Kyle, too. So it wasn't so bad. Sunday afternoon, we headed back to Conyers, and stopped first at Andy and Sherry's house for a long-awaited 18th birthday talk, in which much was revealed...both ways.

Monday was spent be-bopping around town with various family members and resting up from the weekend, and Monday night my family held a birthday party for Shanna at my mom's house, where she broke the news to them.

Tuesday, they went with my mom to trim a christmas tree, and get a marriage license, and Tuesday night we went to my Aunt Judy's house for dinner, and she broke the news to them, along with the fact that they were getting married the next day by Andy's best friend Mike, who also married me and Alan. Thus began the great shopping rush to get everyone ready for the festivities. I've never seen a wedding thrown together so well in such little time!

Wednesday, while Shanna went shopping with Judy and my mom, Kyle went to work with me, so we could keep them apart, and also so we could go shopping for rings. We did good. That night, at Dickerson's Automotive, they said their vows in front of their family. And Grandbear made the trip from TN and surprised us all. We didn't think either of them would be able to make it on such short notice. It meant so much that he could be there. Afterward, we had a small reception at Andy and Sherry's house, complete with a beautiful coconut wedding cake, and then Grandbear drove the newlyweds to their hotel room...but not without stopping first at the waffle house for a 'talk'.

Thursday morning, we left bright and early for S. Ga again, and spent the next 4 days laughing, joking, bonding, and planning for our future. Alan has now redesigned our house plans to include a nursery for the baby, since they have decided to live with us for a while to make up for so much lost time. And even though it was so hard to say goodbye Sunday night, and take them back to the airport, we have made tentative plans to move them up this coming weekend. I just need to get the official go-ahead from them as to exactly when they'll be ready...I'm ready NOW.

All things considered, it went so well...far beyond our wildest dreams. We have not only added our youngest daughter back into our family, but gained a new son and future grandbaby as well. And we are all profoundly thankful for all the blessings God has chosen to bestow on us thoughout this year, and the coming year, too.

Thank you, Lord, for these and all of your blessings, we are most humbly grateful.

Happy Birthday, Shanna Malii!

Today is my youngest daughter's 18th birthday. I am so excited for her. This is the beginning of a whole new phase of her life, a whole new horizon of possibility is opening up to her. And she will finally find out the truth...about her life, and her father. And she will know the answers to questions she's been asking in her heart since she was very little.

Baby girl, you've brought me great joy, how much more so to your dad? We both love you so so much, there are no words. We're incredibly proud of you...of your decisions, your accomplishments, your honesty and integrity, and most of all, of your courage in the face of incredible adversity. All that adds up to ensure that whatever you do, wherever your life takes you now, you will be a success.

We all love you, sweetheart, your grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, your sister and brother and their families, and of course, your dad and I, more than you could ever know. We have watched you grow from a small, bubbly tow-headed angel, to the beautiful, strong woman you are today. And we are all glowing with pride and love at all you have accomplished.

Here's to the glorious future, filled with hope, healing, and happiness. Happy Birthday, my beautiful, accomplished, darling girl, and may all the questions harbored so long in your heart be answered this coming week!