Friday, August 22, 2008

Day 552...

I really miss my hubby today. I have all week. This separation is like the ocean...it ebbs and flows like the tide. Right now, I'm not sure if I should consider myself at high tide...or low.

I have felt extremely close to him all week, most likely spurred on by our anniversary, and all that that entails...but at the same time, the wait is making me weary. I'm so tired of being apart! But it's not constructive to feel that way. Not like I can do anything about it, after all...except to stand. So...I'm standing.

But I don't have to like it! And I don't.

*sigh*

In other news...I just received some very sad news from someone who is fast becoming a good friend, and my heart is aching for her and her family. I don't know which is harder in the long run...to watch someone slowly slip away from this life, but have the ability to give their loved ones closure at the end, or to lose someone so quickly that you never have the chance to say goodbye, and tell them how much they mean to you.

If there is one lesson I have learned in this life, it's this: Cherish your loved ones while you can. Hold them close, speak kind words to them...share your heart. Because we can never know until it's too late whether or not we will get that special blessing of closure in the end.

To my friend: May God bless you and your family, and may His Mercy and Grace follow you all the days of your lives. Be sure that I will hold you all in my heart and my prayers as you go through this next few weeks.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Day 555...

Thought I'd just say that I spent the most wonderful weekend with my hubby. He's soooo romantical-like! I just luuuuv him!

Tomorrow is our second anniversary. I just wish we could be together for the day, but I guess I should be thankful we had the whole weekend, huh?

Oh, well...more tomorrow.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Day 559...

Can I just tell you how grateful I am right now?? There are no words. I have been through one helluva week, I can tell you that much, at least!

Ok...so it started out because I was an idiot, right? Turns out it would have been stressful regardless, so I'm not stressing over the idiot part any more. I got better things to do...

So, two weeks ago was Bill's birthday....July 30th. Other than sentimental reasons, you would think that wouldn't really be important. But in my world, it still is, even though he's been gone almost 5 years. Why? Cuz my truck's still in his name, and that means in the Great State of Georgia, the tag is due to be paid by then.

So...I forgot to pay it. That was the idiot part. What can I say? Life is nuts right now.

Anyway...on my way home on Monday, a nice young officer with the Conyers PD was nice enough to point it out to me. He was even helpful enough to give me a big yellow reminder...wasn't that sweet of him?

So....after sweating my way to work in fear of being stopped, hat in hand, I called the tag office on Tuesday morning to find out what the damage was going to be...even as I cringed. But monetarily, at least, it was not nearly as bad as I had feared...only monstrous instead of astronomical. Whew! Problem was, when I came in to renew, I had to bring Bill's driver's license. Now, that presented a problem, seeing as he's been gone almost 5 years. I don't actually have his driver's license any more. I've never needed it before...as I pointed out to the nice lady on the phone. Apparently, the laws in the Great State of Georgia changed this year...imagine that...so that you can't renew unless they see the driver's license of the owner...and as I mentioned earlier...the truck is still in Bill's name.

So...I explain the situation, and she tells me that you can't renew a tag for a deceased person any more...the state won't recognize it. And she tells me when I come in, NOT to tell them he's dead. And to bring in a bunch of other documents that will hopefully throw up a big enough smoke screen that they won't ask for his ID.

That afternoon, I sweat my way home, and gather all the documents I need to sweat my way over and assault the tag office on Wednesday, after I sweated my way back to work. At the tag office, they won't let me renew...because I don't have his ID....plain and simple. They didn't even LOOK at all the other documents I had brought, insisting on his ID. Can he not bring it in himself? noooo....he can't. Can he give it to me so I can bring it in for him? nope. Can he mail it in? not possible. What about fax? not. gonna. happen! It is not possible.

Finally, I gave up, and showed her the death certificate. oh, she says. Then she disappears, and comes back later to inform me that I have to get Chrysler to put my name on the loan. hyeah. right.

So, in complete and utter dejection, I sweat my way back to the office, trying not to panic, and call Chrysler. I get some chick with a heavy accent, probably overseas somewhere, who doesn't seem to understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. She wants to send me a form so I can qualify for a loan to assume the loan I've been paying for the past 5 years, so they can make damn sure they're gonna get the last 11 payments. I told her I wouldn't qualify for a loan, and she says that's the only way my name can go on the title. How stupid is that??? The truck is in the name of 'the estate of William Hoffman'. There is no estate, and there is no go-to guy for them. The loan is being held by a dead man. If I tell 'em to come get the truck, they're up the proverbial creek, sans paddle! Would it not be to their ADVANTAGE to put someone's name on the title, for SECURITY's sake?? I explain this to the accent girl, and she puts me on eternal hold, at the end of which she says she's gonna fax over the paperwork to assign me the loan, but it will be at least an hour before I get it. I ask again...will I have to qualify for this? Nope, she says...it will be automatic.

FINALLY...I'm getting somewhere!

I still had to sweat my way home on Wednesday, because of course, it was the end of the day. But Thursday morning, after I had sweated my way back to work, the fax was there, waiting on me. A standard retail contract loan application form. No freakin' way!

So, I had to wait until that afternoon, after the office cleared out, and while they were buffing the floor outside my office door, to call them back...so my coworkers wouldn't hear all the screaming and crying. This time, after MUCH hassle, I managed to get hold of a superviser that spoke much clearer English, thank God...but who was no more helpful than the other girl had been. Nope...they couldn't do ANYTHING to help me. AND he got snotty with me, accusing me of trying to pull something over on them, because obviously I hadn't had any problems renewing the car for the past 5 years, but now all of a sudden...

I think that's when I finally broke down and completely lost it. I was losing my truck...Bill's truck. The last thing he bought, even though he never made a payment on it, not one. The only thing I have left of his.

In desperation and tears, I finally called back my contact at the tag office, and told her what I'd been through, asking her if there was a way the tag office could fax Chrysler a form explaining what they needed, and why, even knowing it was a long shot. And after quite a few hold sessions, during which time she'd come back and ask me a zillion questions, she finally came back and told me to go online and pay it...but that I didn't hear it from them. She gave me the website.

I went online and paid the bill. Just like that.

How freaking rediculous that I just spent a week of sheer hell, pushing me to the brink of madness...literally...for no reason? Is there any sanity in this state? Is there any doubt why we want OUT of it???

OMG! At least I'm legal again. And I'll have to do the same thing next year, even though by then, I will have paid the last payment. But I have no idea how in the hell I'm going to get them to issue the title in my name. That will be a whole new can of worms for me to deal with. But at least, it's a year away, and I have time to work on it. Thank God.

And thank God for Angels in the tag office of this otherwise God-forsaken state!