Day Zero....or Day One, depending on how you look at it.

Today is finally here...the culmination of months and years of waiting. It's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm sitting in a hotel room...blogging. No, it's not because I became obsessed (who, me?) and couldn't turn the computer off. Quite the opposite, in fact. After tossing and turning for the past six hours, I have finally given up sleeping as a bad job. I needed to get up in an hour, anyway.... might as well spend it productively, aye?

In about two hours, I'll be leaving here to start the final leg of my old life. My New Life will be waiting to be picked up, you see, and we'll be heading home. To Tennessee.

There are no words that I can type to adequately describe my joy. We have been through so much over the course of our lives, he and I, especially in the past ten years. But the struggle has helped us grow stronger.... individually, and as a couple. There have been incredible life lessons learned in that time....hard won, and yet, if I had the option, I could choose no other path than the one I've been on. It's been worth every second of the pain we've gone through to get to this point.

The hard times are not over, of this I'm sure. But the bad times....oh, yes. After what we've been through, the rest should be a walk in the park. It is said that our struggles help us grow strong. If that is so, then we should never have cause to doubt that we are strong enough to weather any storm that might come our way in the future.

To all our loving, supportive friends and family, without whom we could never have made it to this point....we love and appreciate each of you, and we thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.

And to the Love of my Life...welcome to a Brave New World.

Day 7....Crossroads

It's hard to believe that I'm sitting here, only one week away from one of the most monumental events of my life. So often, we don't see those until they've come and gone, and then we can look back and recognize them for what they were...a crossroad. I know that once I get in my truck next Thursday and head south, my life will never be the same. But I also know that that change was 5 1/2 years...maybe longer...in the making.

That got me thinking about how this turning point in my life measured up against others I've faced in the past:

1974: My first huge life-altering event....the death of my mother.

1984: The birth of my oldest daughter, Jes.

1986: The birth of my son, Ian.

1987: The death of my brother, Randy.

2003: The death of my husband, Bill to a heart attack. The blackest point in my life.

2007: Death of my Father.

2008: The birth of my granddaughter, Harmony.

There have, of course, been other, smaller events that have occurred over the years...but none of them have truly altered the course of my life like these. Even my first two marriages, I'm sad to say, didn't really substantially change my life. Interesting to note that they pretty much all revolve around births and deaths.

This is different. This is foundational. This is not just a life-altering event, it's a state-altering event.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that a part of me is terrified, but it's the part of me that is afraid of change, of growth, of pushing the envelope of accepted standard practices.

There's a much larger part of me that is so thrilled, words fail. Thrilled to the point that I have immersed myself in anything...anything I could these past few months that I thought would keep my mind from dwelling on it too much, for therein lies madness.

I love this man so much. He is the breath in my body...my bones....my blood. He is my world....because I am his. We share the dream...the vision of our future. And we are committed to it in an unshakable, foundational way. We are like bedrock, the bones of the earth. And when all else has turned to dust around us, yet will we stand. Because we have paid our dues...we have earned the right. We have gone through hell these past few years, and emerged battle-scarred, but triumphant on the other side. Regardless of where the road takes us, it will take us there, together.

I could not ask for more.

Day 14...

Two weeks. Two short weeks left. And I've still got a million things to do before D-day!

I don't know how I'm ever going to get it all done, especially with all the snow and bad weather that we've been having. Currently, there's about ten inches on the ground, with four more days expected starting this weekend. I'm hoping and praying that it all blows out in the next two weeks, because otherwise, we're gonna have an adventure getting across the mountains, and I'm still gunshy from last year. Which, I might add, occurred on the first weekend of March last year. I know, because it made Red Ink status on last year's agenda.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

I'm working hard trying to get everything moved into the loft, still. I'd have already been done a week ago (or more) if the weather had cooperated. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish shlepping everything upstairs by Sunday, when I will then burrow in and begin making organization out of chaos....which currently reigns supreme.

My job is great. Awesome, in fact. And I really love the people that I work with, which makes it even better. I really believe God answered my prayers for that, and I'm hoping to be there a very long time to come.

Please pray that the weather will cooperate for the next three weeks so I can get my Valentine home safely and on time!

Day 24....No more visits.

This past weekend, I went south to spend the weekend with my hubby for the final time. It was kinda surreal to be spending the day with him, looking around after all these years, thinking I'd never be sharing that kind of time with him again in that setting. I wasn't sad in the least, though...neither of us were. Just very, very glad that we're closing this chapter of our lives.

I'd have stayed longer with him on Sunday, but I left a bit early due to bad road conditions to the north. I wanted to try to get back over the mountains before dark, or as close as possible to it. I didn't make it, but I did make it home safely.

It's been a long road I've traveled...not just this weekend, but in the past 7 years. So worth every one of the 140,000 miles I've put on that truck, most of which I've spent heading down the road to see him. When I lost my Bill, I never thought I'd be able to find happiness like that again. I was right...what I had with Bill was unique. What I have with Alan is unique, too...but so much more than I ever could have dreamed, all those years ago.

Thank you, Lord, for granting us the strength to get through these past few years. And Lord, please grant us the patience to last 23 more days.