Day 84....Worried Sick

I'm heartsick....just....heartsick. And there's nothing I can do about it, because it's not my problem. It's my oldest's, and her significant other's. They are making the biggest mess out of their lives, and I have to stand by and watch. What kills me is not them so much.... they are, after all, adults and they are perfectly capable of making their own decisions regarding their relationship and their respective careers. What is absolutely killing me is the blatant disregard that is being shown for the feelings of others in the family on both sides, most especially for the baby.

If there was such a desperate need to return to the mountains that it couldn't be worked out in the right way, why not share that with the ones who cared so much and who tried so hard to help? And even then, does that need demand such a rush that proper notifications couldn't be made, and proper notices worked? And if it did....what in the hell could possibly be that important? Even a death in the family would warrant a phone call of explanation...one wouldn't slink out of town without wanting others to know the reason. And one certainly wouldn't decide, come hell or high water--and regardless of the feelings of others--to blatantly leave, ripping up their family in the process, and without so much as a word of explanation to others when they have gone out of their way to do all they could to show they cared.

Maybe I'm just too logical, too practical. Maybe I just cared way, way too much for the parties involved. If it sounds like I'm hurt, you bet I am. I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest, on many levels. I can only imagine what my daughter must feel like, much less the baby! He's lost a parent, overnight, with no explanation--one who's been with him his whole life, and who would absolutely die for him--and apparently with no concern as to the long term effects it will have on him at his young and very impressionable age to possibly never again be able to see people who mean so much to him, and who he means so much to! This is not fair to him, and at his young age, bound to traumatize him to no end. My oldest means the absolute world to him.

Maybe they will work it all out....for the baby's sake, I hope so. But although the love that already exists in this family will never alter, there will be a long way to go before trust can ever be rebuilt among the other relationships affected by this. I couldn't be sicker at heart if I tried, or more worried for them all.